July 20th, 2011 – Caltech and NASA Observatories – With tears streaming down their faces, computer keys clicking away in hundreds of mathematical computations at once, and chants of relativistic and string theory equations, scientists have been flocking to telescopes around the world to witness a true revelation of science as truth in the Universe.
The latest pictures coming out from telescopes reveal an enormous infinity symbol ( ∞ ) buried within the Milky Way Galaxy. Surprisingly, it has never been seen before.
“This is a miracle of science and we all feel it deep inside,” said one scientist named Rodney Fermian who drove all night with his family several hundred miles to witness the image on the telescope himself “it proves the truth and reality of science. Science bless physics!” he exclaimed.
Another professor of Astrophysics, Umberto Tallini, commented calmly how this reveals something deep about the universe. “Religious people have no ground to stand on,” he said, pausing to refill and light his pipe “people need to understand that the hand of science has revealed itself in this image and that they should bow down and worship it because it just shows that we’re right and everyone else is going to be damned into the nucleus of a proton so small for the rest of eternity, doomed to collide over and over again with an anti-proton in a grand release of energy so intense that it will melt their very existence forever if they do not kneel and accept this image.”
While scientists gathered around, many chanted equations of supersymmetry over and over again, and some even made offerings of the smallest particles they could hold in a gesture towards the image on their telescopes as thanks for giving them proof that scientists are brilliant and the rest of the world are absolute idiots.
“We don’t really mind religious people living amongst us, but they better know that this sign shows how doomed they truly are.” another scientist named Bob Helgard explained. “I hope this picture convinces them of their folly of their ways as it is a miracle that only science can offer. Blessed all be to science.” he clapped his hands and started to chant more equations dealing on the nature of String Theory.
Whether or not this picture is a miracle of science will have to be debated and settled at a later date, of course, as all the scientists were in agreement that peer-review was the best thing ever and was necessary to discover the type of miracle it was, using the most esoteric kinds of language possible so that the common layman could never have one chance in ten to the power of pi to ever understand it. They were all in agreement as well, however, that religious people are fools and are doomed, and the proof was in the picture.