Scientists Flock to Telescopes to Marvel at Revelation

July 20th, 2011 – Caltech and NASA Observatories – With tears streaming down their faces, computer keys clicking away in hundreds of mathematical computations at once, and chants of relativistic and string theory equations, scientists have been flocking to telescopes around the world to witness a true revelation of science as truth in the Universe.

The latest pictures coming out from telescopes reveal an enormous infinity symbol ( ) buried within the Milky Way Galaxy. Surprisingly, it has never been seen before.

“This is a miracle of science and we all feel it deep inside,” said one scientist named Rodney Fermian who drove all night with his family several hundred miles to witness the image on the telescope himself “it proves the truth and reality of science. Science bless physics!” he exclaimed.

Another professor of Astrophysics, Umberto Tallini, commented calmly how this reveals something deep about the universe. “Religious people have no ground to stand on,” he said, pausing to refill and light his pipe “people need to understand that the hand of science has revealed itself in this image and that they should bow down and worship it because it just shows that we’re right and everyone else is going to be damned into the nucleus of a proton so small for the rest of eternity, doomed to collide over and over again with an anti-proton in a grand release of energy so intense that it will melt their very existence forever if they do not kneel and accept this image.”

While scientists gathered around, many chanted equations of supersymmetry over and over again, and some even made offerings of the smallest particles they could hold in a gesture towards the image on their telescopes as thanks for giving them proof that scientists are brilliant and the rest of the world are absolute idiots.

“We don’t really mind religious people living amongst us, but they better know that this sign shows how doomed they truly are.” another scientist named Bob Helgard explained. “I hope this picture convinces them of their folly of their ways as it is a miracle that only science can offer. Blessed all be to science.” he clapped his hands and started to chant more equations dealing on the nature of String Theory.

Whether or not this picture is a miracle of science will have to be debated and settled at a later date, of course, as all the scientists were in agreement that peer-review was the best thing ever and was necessary to discover the type of miracle it was, using the most esoteric kinds of language possible so that the common layman could never have one chance in ten to the power of pi to ever understand it. They were all in agreement as well, however, that religious people are fools and are doomed, and the proof was in the picture.

The Greatest Book Ever?

Dear Theists,

Raging debates in the Atheist and Skeptic communities aside, Richard Dawkins and PZ Meyers were recently debating Muslims outside of the World Atheist Convention (clips on Youtube):

After watching the claims of Muslims, and Christians (in clips of the Atheist Experience) about how wonderful their particular Holy Book is at understanding all things scientific, astronomical, medicinal, and even geological, I really had a simple question to ask them:

What great, enormous, and incredible scientific discoveries have been made of late using only your Holy Book?

I really apologize for such a blunt and rude question which, essentially, states “prove it or shut up”, but I think it’s warranted. Exactly what huge scientific leaps in any field have been made with the Bible or Koran in the last couple of hundred years?

You see, it’s not good enough to dig through your obscure passages and then point to already-discovered knowledge and say “Aha! It was written about in there all along!” Well, if it was, then why didn’t it talk about it more plainly? I’m really sorry to doubt every single thing you claim as science in either book but…quite frankly…I do.

You have two choices on that front now: either put up or shut up. Show us “angry” Atheists out there exactly what science has been done using only the book that you claim was written by the Creator Of The Universe(tm). Such as: decoding the Human Genome (Francis Collins may be a fundamentalist, but he didn’t use the Bible to do his job), discovering the Big Bang, revealing the Theory of Relativity, explaining the Theory of Gravity, creating the transistor and microchip, sending people to the moon, sending rovers to Mars….you name it: show us something that your book revealed, discovered. or pioneered in science using only that book.

If you cant, then I have a really simple reply for you and your claims: you can’t come running up on science’s coat tails, waving your holy book around, and squealing “I knew that all along! I was only testing you!” like some idiotic little bratty child who is too proud to admit when he’s just dead fucking wrong. I mean, it looks egregiously stupid, arrogant, uninformed, and immature. It’s also selfish because you’re trying to claim advances on your side which you never, ever, made or had anything to do with.

The fact is, religious people: you got nothing; nada; zilch; zip. You got some words written by people who knew absolutely nothing at all about the world around them, about the stars, microbes, evolution, geology, chemistry, medicine, or a whole lot of other things which we have discovered since they were written, and those words are obscure at best. They are so obscure and wishy-washy at times that you can’t even make out what they mean. Other people have to actually come along, discard those books, and then figure shit out on their own using actual logic, reason, experimentation, and a rigid set of laws with tons and tons of hard work and even more failure than you can imagine before a success, before you peevishly are able to climb up on what they’ve built with their hard work and say “Hey! I was here first! This is mine! My stuff beat you to it and knew about this all along!” like some dumbass little pipsqueak sidekick that, frankly, I want to just kick aside into the corner like the annoying little rodents that you are.

So, if you think that’s an unfair comparison, then put up or shut up: what the fuck has your holy book actually discovered, since it is so blessed with infinite knowledge, that it alone can claim the discovery to with absolutely zero scientific help whatsoever?

Anything? My guess is: Nothing.

And if that’s the case, then please shut the hell up about your book knowing more about science than science itself. It doesn’t know squat about science. That’s why, when you go to study astronomy, medicine, biology, or any other actual science, the first book they tell you to crack open and start reading isn’t your “special” book. In fact, it’s not even on the same bookshelf as any of the others.

Maybe most theists are too stupid to understand this, but that’s a major fucking clue.